Who Killed Cupid? (Anti Valentines Day..)

(Photo: Brett Jordan)

The Hallmark created holiday is officially holding on for dear life.  It seems like it truly has become nothing more than single awareness day (terrible name).

This is not to say I’m against Valentines Day. I’m all for romantic displays of affection.. and more importantly showing the one you love that you care about them. If you really want to step your game up, read the five love languages. Little do you know.. but your girlfriend only truly appreciates 20% what of what you do for here.. if your lucky.

How it all begin

It seemed like I kept hearing about breakups, and Facebook agreed with my thesis.

As you can see.. we are nearing break up season.. but we aren’t there yet.

 It seems as though a Valentines Day Curse is emerging…

“We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together
But we sure make it feel like we’re together..” – Drake

Times are changing folks.  We can thank the 70s and disco for sparking the popularity of clubs.. followed by speed dating, eye gazing,, and the millionaire matchmaker.  It’s hard to find your match with the right chemistry, luckily there’s plenty of fish..

Okay terrible joke aside.. our generation is facing a very changed dating scene.. due to two main reasons.

1. Technology

- cellphones, texting, camera phones, video chatting, aim, Facebook, social media, dating websites..

2. The Economy

- recession, college, death of the middle class..

Paradigm Shift #1: Technology

We are ALL connected at ALL times. Which ironically leads to us never truly building connections anymore. Follow me here..

Phone calls are slowly dying in favor of texting. You can’t build a connection in 160 characters. If your lucky, you can score a date. Most of my girl friends (girls that are friends) love texting. I don’t blame them.. it’s passive.. less awkward.. easy to ignore and turn guys down through. Yet they wonder why they don’t have boyfriends. (I bet you the girl who loves Twitter hasn’t had a boyfriend in some time. Which isn’t surprising because Twitter is narcissism at it’s finest.. though I admit to having one. But that’s for another time.)  The douchebag who sends out a mass text before going out to a club and late night booty texts have become cliche.

Find a guy who has the balls to pick up a phone and struggle through a conversation before seeing you again and you might have a winner.

Facebook.. We all know we spend way too much time on it.  What scares me is it seems like we spend more and more time in Larry the Lurker mode.   More and more time is spent refreshing the mini feed rather than posting on a friends wall. Facebook chat has also died off. So we spend all this time in zombie mode on Facebook.. it’s a false sense of connected (besides it killing your productivity and being an interesting human being.)

(Photo: Metro Centric)

Sexting?  Hey whatever works for you.

Twitter.. Half of the women in a club now probably spend more time tweeting about how it sucks and no one is attractive. #prettygirlproblems. Sad thing is even if they looked up from their phone.. and did notice someone cute.. you probably couldn’t hear what they were saying over that dubstep bass line. #realworldproblems.

The Good

Dating Sites

Personally I’m too young to test out a free trial of Match.com.. but these dating sites do serve their purpose. Especially for the older crowd and those who work long hours. We are very busy now (paradigm #2) and finding dates isn’t easy for those of us that are busy.  After a breakup or divorce.. most people don’t know where to begin to start dating again.

Vidchatting

90% of communication is body language. Don’t get me started on texting, but even on the phone we miss a lot. Video chatting helps bridge that gap. Whether it’s when your first getting to know someone, or staying in touch long distance… it is a better option technology has given us.

Actually being in a relationship.

Wait… what?

Well if your actually in a relationship… texting.. Facebook.. all of this communication mediums can be a GOOD THING.  Texting is a good way to communicate throughout the day during the little in between times.  Facebook is the perfect opportunity to publicly display your affection (women love this).  So if you actually cross into relationship territory.. the bad can become good.  Assuming your in a solid relationship that isn’t affected by jealousy..

Facebook didn’t singlehandely kill cupid though.. neither did texting.

Paradigm Shift #2: A New Economy

It’s a recession alright, and the days sure are changing.

We all know the mantra passed down by our parents.. played out nicely in Fight Club

Tyler Durden: My dad never went to college, so it was real important that I go.
Narrator: Sounds familiar.
Tyler Durden: So I graduate, I call him up long distance, I say “Dad, now what?” He says, “Get a job.”
Narrator: Same here.
Tyler Durden: Now I’m 25, make my yearly call again. I say Dad, “Now what?” He says, “I don’t know, get married.”

Guess what happens after school now?  No longer do you get a cubicle just because you have a diploma.

Forget about step #3.. we are just trying to step onto our career ladder.  Simply put.. life isn’t near as stable as it once was.

The old  1. Go to college + 2. Get a job + 3. Get married + Kids… no longer = the American Dream Formula.

Those who understand the new job scape.. are REALLY on the grind. They usually have at least 2 of the following: school, internship, job, entrepreneurial venture, creative pursuit.  Which means less time of course.  Less opportunity to meet someone.  Less free time in their schedule to go on a date with that someone.  (Maybe a more appropriate title would have been “The Death of a Social Life”.)

The Good: The grass is greener.

If you can pull your entrepreneurial venture.. or land your dream job.. you’ll be able to sustain a healthy relationship.  You’ll probably have a flexible schedule.. and decent pay.

All Doom and Gloom

The glass is usually half full, but it does look bad for cupid. We all know how bad the rate of divorce has gotten in this country.. I’m sure marriages are at an all time low..

Love is certainly on a new battlefield, and you’ll need to learn the terrain.

As far as me?

I ain’t mad at you cupid.. I had like 5 froyo dates today (and even turned down gelato.)

Until Next Time,

Sweeney Daniel

P.S. Feel free to write a comment about what you think is contributing to the death of cupid (or keeping him alive.)  I definitely have plans for a part two about phone rules…

P.P.S. Yes this blog primarily deals with break ups.. but we are moving into relationships in general.